Garfield Says that Diet is "Die" with a T

I'm not going to diet. I live for food. I truly admire those who have the willpower to sit down and decide to lose weight, and then they follow through with that plan. I'm not one of them. That would be like, oh, I dunno, me deciding to sit down and CUT OUT MY TONGUE! The best parts of life--beyond my charming family and friends--would be excellent food that makes my taste buds dance. Oh, and a great glass of wine that matches with that food in such a fashion so that both the food and the wine taste better.

The diet that makes the least amount of sense to me is anything that involves drinking all your meals. What the heck? It reminds me of Alex's mum who once said, "Wouldn't it be great if we could just swallow a pill instead of have to fix a meal and then eat it?" ARE YOU ON CRACK, WOMAN??? I also don't support any type of regime that involves ruling out an entire food group. The divine put them all there for me to eat, damnit, and so I shall. Fat is tasty. Potatoes? Awesome. Bread? Yes, please, I'd love another. Chocolate? Of course!

Besides, I found out long ago that the second I label a specific edible item as forbidden, I crave it twice as much.

The ones who diet that I can at least understand are those who will not sacrifice flavor, but instead they cut down the portion sizes and exercise more. I would rather have a palmful of something amazing than a tableful of cardboard. Or to put it in even better terms, one Godiva truffle is better than 2 lbs of Hershey's kisses. Still another analogy: one glass of a good Hermitage rates over a case of Two Buck Chuck any day of the week. See where I'm going with that?

So, since I won't diet, what I have decided to do instead is make informed choices. I will analyze my options, and take the one that's the best for me out of a list of items I enjoy. Example: tonight, the place wherein I will be eating out has an online menu complete with calories listed. I made a list of the items I thought sounded delicious, THEN I checked on the calories and other nutrient info. The choice is much simpler to make at that point. Do I want the great wall of chocolate at 2,240 calories (HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!)? Or do I want the flourless chocolate dome served with fresh berries and raspberry sauce for 570 cals? Ok, now I know. Decision made. Besides, this place is the only place I know of locally to snag a glass of Charles Krug Sauvignon Blanc, and so I have to save some of my tummy space for that, too (not with that chocolate dessert, though--with dinner, of course). I have some sort of fixation with Krug since I realized that it's one of those Sauvignon Blancs that has the bouquet of pipi du chat (cat piss). No, really, that's good. No. I swear. I promise. Yum!

This is as close as I'll get to a diet. I will never go all out rice cakes on anybody. See, sure, eating right and dieting may add on ten years to my life, but that's ten more rice cake eating years. I'll take the wine and the flourless chocolate dome, thanks!

Sante!